Fling versus long term relationship
As you all know for most of my life, I've had a long term, fully committed relationship with urban spaces. I was born in Paris, I had my first job in NYC, had my first child in London. I've slept, worked, socialized, mothered, lived in an urban environment. When we considered leaving NY I really felt like I was going to suffocate. I mean that in a very physical sense. I think my hubbie truly understood that. So the solemn promise he made to me when we decided to move out here, was that whenever I needed a dose of the city, I just had to hold up my hand and he would take over the house and the three kids. He promised, he said to me over and over "just say the word and off you go." I know, it sounds too good to be true.
I've raised my hand three times in the last couple of months and this is what happened.
On Friday afternoon I wrote hubbie an e-mail that basically said, "I need to go."
The next morning I got up, put on my favorite clothes, waved goodbye to my smiling kids and hubbie at the door and headed to the train station. An hour later I was in the city, free to inhale the city life that I so need and miss. I walked, took the subway, took in all the colors, the faces, the light, the creativity, went back to my old haunts, had lunch with a friend, had a drink with another, and walked and walked.
It was hard to know that like Cinderella, by midnight I would have to get home (or find a nice hotel which wouldn't be so bad). Part of me felt like I'd never left and that CT was just a dream.
But what's been great about my trips to New York is that they feel as fun as a fling and it's all about me. I don't take the kids, I don't do errands or chores. It's about getting that city energy into my pores so that I feel ready to go back. It's about reconnecting with that part of me which is my favorite part, the city girl. It's a perfect space in time where I think about all of my favorite city memories and dream about a future which is somehow connected to that city energy and drive.
At around 11:30PM, I get home, I hear about what a great day the kids had with their dad and I feel ok about facing another week in the suburb.
So as I reflect on yesterday's fling with NYC, I wonder if that's not just as good as a long term relationship. Living full time in NYC, I sometimes forgot to truly cherish the city and all of its wonders.
Here's where I stand tonight.
If you currently live outside of a big city, go for a fling.
If you live in the city, look around and truly take in the beauty.
I've raised my hand three times in the last couple of months and this is what happened.
On Friday afternoon I wrote hubbie an e-mail that basically said, "I need to go."
The next morning I got up, put on my favorite clothes, waved goodbye to my smiling kids and hubbie at the door and headed to the train station. An hour later I was in the city, free to inhale the city life that I so need and miss. I walked, took the subway, took in all the colors, the faces, the light, the creativity, went back to my old haunts, had lunch with a friend, had a drink with another, and walked and walked.
It was hard to know that like Cinderella, by midnight I would have to get home (or find a nice hotel which wouldn't be so bad). Part of me felt like I'd never left and that CT was just a dream.
But what's been great about my trips to New York is that they feel as fun as a fling and it's all about me. I don't take the kids, I don't do errands or chores. It's about getting that city energy into my pores so that I feel ready to go back. It's about reconnecting with that part of me which is my favorite part, the city girl. It's a perfect space in time where I think about all of my favorite city memories and dream about a future which is somehow connected to that city energy and drive.
At around 11:30PM, I get home, I hear about what a great day the kids had with their dad and I feel ok about facing another week in the suburb.
So as I reflect on yesterday's fling with NYC, I wonder if that's not just as good as a long term relationship. Living full time in NYC, I sometimes forgot to truly cherish the city and all of its wonders.
Here's where I stand tonight.
If you currently live outside of a big city, go for a fling.
If you live in the city, look around and truly take in the beauty.
"Fling" is the perfect analogy. I would define a fling as the fleeting, momentary step outside your own "environment" to fulfill a need that your current environment cannot. Ultimately, it will only lengthen your struggle to balance and to accept what you wrote on Friday.
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